Play Ball
(Editor’s Note: We don’t condone wagering on the LLWS…unless of course you can make money at it then by all means fire at will)
On Thursday the best Little Leaguers on the planet will once again convene on Williamsport, PA for the 67th straight year and bring with them countless opportunities for us degenerates to pad our bankrolls before football season begins. Now I know what you’re thinking; how could you bet on 12 year olds? They’re so unreliable. They’re so inconsistent. Well I’d argue they’re more consistent than any Calipari coached team at the free throw line and certainly more predictable than any walk-on kicker in a Wednesday night #MACtion game. Nobody gets scared to make a bet in those situations, why would you now? Now, while I don’t actually recommend putting your real money on middle school kids, there are places on the internet that allow you to do so (Editor’s Note: we won’t endorse these shops…but you probably have money there already so continue). So if you so choose to seek those places out (for entertainment purposes only of course), here’s some tips:
Do Your Homework. If the teams you’re wagering on still have to do their homework, so do you. Not a bad rule of thumb when putting a wager down on anything but it’s especially important in the LLWS where the teams are new to everyone. You’ll never know more than the book when you’re betting on NFL, college football, NBA, or college basketball games but you may be able to put yourself on an even playing field with them in Williamsport. With all that being said if you’re trying to calculate the WHIP of a pitcher too young for a driver’s license you may want to seek counseling.
Size Matters. 12 year old Dustin Pedroia’s don’t win LLWS titles. Look for the teams with more kids further into puberty. This is especially true with Mo’Ne Davis, the stud female pitcher on the Philly team representing the Mid-Atlantic region. (And you thought knowing that girls matured faster than boys in middle school would never make you any money). Look out for “Sgt.” Sam Slaughter on the Tennessee squad as well, he can mash. If a team has players bigger than you, they’re probably a good bet (Editor’s Note: the real key is figuring out which teams have forged birth certificates, it makes sense to call local hospitals and pediatricians for that added edge).
International vs. Domestic. Unlike MLB lines that are always -1.5 on the runline these games will have actual spreads. If you can find a US vs. US team with a spread of 4.5 or more I’d suggest taking a serious look at backing the dog. On the international side however it’s much different with huge talent gaps and sides that don’t mind running up the score if they can. It’s incredibly rare for upsets to happen on the international side. The only surprise on that side of the bracket this year is Seoul, South Korea grabbing the Asia-Pacific spot away from perennial contender Chinese-Taipei. But then again if you’re upset about not being able to place a future bet on Chinese-Taipei this year, what I said earlier about attending meetings still holds true.
When In Doubt, Take The Over. This may seem to go against conventional wisdom as these are only 6 inning games but if I’ve learned anything betting on sports through the years it’s to throw conventional wisdom out the window. Looking back on scores through the last few years I saw a lot of big numbers. Remember, pitchers are only allowed to throw a certain number of innings which means kids further down the rotation need to be used leading to plenty of long balls.
In all seriousness, enjoy the LLWS for what it is – a fun tournament that’s great for kids and can actually be quite exciting. But if you do venture to those dark corners of the internet to bet on kids, well then at least you now have a guide to lean on my degenerate friends.
Interested in reading more of Ted’s Work? Be sure to visit his blog
