Don’t do THAT on Twitter
Twitter is an endless source of joy, entertainment, and frustration for most of us. It’s become the primary vehicle for absorbing day to day news, sports or otherwise, in real time. One of the best parts is each experience is obviously customized, independently tailored to meet your daily needs. This alone is one of the reasons I’ll never understand why folks complain about other’s timelines; if you don’t like what they’re saying simply unfollow.
However I digress and this is a list compiled for grown men (aka anyone older than 18) on things they should never do on twitter. Of course the only reason this exists is because most of us aren’t mature enough to handle access to the outside world right at our fingertips. A wise man once told me the best part about twitter is it gives everyone a voice…that’s also the absolute worst part about it too.
10 Things (+1) Grown Men should Never do on Twitter
+1)
Write lists like this that make you sound like the twitter police. Trust me, I know most people out there will agree with what I’m saying but they don’t go through the exercise of laying out the ground rules for fear of sounding like a pretentious asshole from time to time…I’m actually ok with that hence me embracing the role right now.
10) Go shirtless in their avatar
I don’t care what kind of shape you’re in, this screams assclown. This isn’t tinder or match.com, you aren’t using twitter as a dating site so the whole shirts optional thing is ridiculous. Besides, using that as your avatar will beg your favorite personalities to skip over your tweets immediately no matter how insightful or poignant you think you’re being.
9) Drop F Bombs
There are plenty of ways to get your point across without using obscenities. Remember your digital footprint is there for the world to see so even those tweets you send telling someone to go f**k themselves when you have 25 followers linger long after you surpass major community milestones. Just because you’re on twitter anonymously don’t use that as justification to act like a bozo.
8) Berate a college or high school athlete
Fans are passionate, yes I get that. Quite frankly it makes sports great (and creates value in our betting markets). However going after a kid when he doesn’t commit to your favorite football program isn’t fanhood it’s deranged fanaticism. C’mon man, grow up and get a life. We were all 18 before and I can’t imagine having the eyes of the world on my national signing day while fearing fallout from opposing fan bases. Same sentiment goes for using racial, homophobic, or sexist slurs in any context. Act like an adult and respect those you interact with rather than making yourself look like an ignorant jackass.
7) Follow an Ex
You’ve already defriended her twice on facebook; once when you broke up the first time and now when you tried to date again only to have her say you haven’t changed at all. Why the hell would you decide to follow her on twitter after that? Go find yourself a supermodel or porn star to keep you distracted, nothing good comes from following a flame that’s burned out.
6) Hit on women
She has 1.8 million followers; your cheesy pick-up line isn’t going to get noticed despite how charming your mom believes you are. I know you dream of being that one guy to land a major female personality all because of twitter but it’s probably best we put that notion to bed right now. Besides every guy knows that if a girl is actually interested she’ll follow you and that’s what DM’s are for anyways. Right Anthony Weiner?
5) Tweet a selfie
No explanation required
4) Use Emoticons
There’s no place for a smiley face on twitter…it’s an egregious man-law violation. Using them on your phone has a limited place but when you’re immersed in dialogue with industry colleagues it’s just embarrassing. There are certain shorthand phrases that should be included here as well although the 140 character limitation actually makes them required periodically.
3) Tweet Play by Play
Unless you’re employed by the team there’s no need for it. If we want that kind of content we’ll follow the official university or franchise social media account. I remember back in the day this was awesome in posting forums to track games that were only televised regionally. Considering every game is now on TV as part of some obscure sports package this serial play by play guy should go the way of the rotary phone.
2) Follow Skip Bayless
You’re a major media figure being a platform by one of the largest and most respected networks on the planet…yet you’re so arrogant that you no one on the planet is worth following?! I mean humility goes a long way in life especially when most of the time you provide content that’s not even useful to the masses.
1) Retweet Yourself
The goal of retweeting something you see on twitter is because it’s funny, useful, or compelling information. Retweeting yourself is as close to a douche bag move as possible because it’s just like jumping up and down yelling “look at me look at me!” Confidence in your abilities is good, taking pride in your work is even better, but RT’ing yourself to a timeline just to prove you were right or deserve recognition screams desperation.
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