Recognize These Guys?
We all know their kind, we come across them every day. It doesn’t matter if you bet $2 parlay cards or throw around bricks of high society on NFL football like Floyd Mayweather, the longer you’re in this field you inevitably run into characters whenever you mention the word pointspread. Don’t take this personally, I mean afterall this is as auto-biographical as any piece you’ll see me write so for all my close friends both in the industry this piece is for you.
Degenerate – If you fall into any 6 categories or more… (thanks to Jake Barnes for this one)
Whiner – He is the ABSOLUTE WORST to watch games with because he’ll find something to bitch about all the damn time. Whether it’s a call, turnover, or coaching blunder he’s going to find something that’s a grave injustice impacting him and only him. He can have 3 teams covering by 21+ pts and all he focuses on is his team electing to punt on 4th down with 4 minutes left fearing the world’s most improbable backdoor.
Superstitious – He sits in the same seat, wears the same jersey, or has the same pre-game meal all fall long like he’s actually playing in the game. Having fun with bettors like this is an endless source of enjoyment. Kindly explain to your buddy who fits this criteria he can’t jinx outcomes 2,000 miles away from a game venue with a simple text/tweet. (I may or may not have to look in the mirror for this stereotype)
System – It would be one thing if this was driven by numbers or statistics but it’s something more in his mind; intangibles. He spends his time looking for signs from the cosmos to steer him to the winning side. As a result he builds a list of forum posters, newspaper columnists, and tv personalities that are indicators on games to avoid at all costs. The odd part about all this is his methods seem to be much more successful than the guy stuck watching 24 hours of college football every Saturday looking to exploit the X’s and O’s for financial gain.
Niche Specialty – When you pick the kind of gambler to grab beers with on a whim, this would be your guy. He’s found an angle to exploit snooker, curling, and challenger tennis yet doesn’t know the first thing about flagship leagues. Inevitably his biggest challenge is being able to get down enough to sustain his livelihood because most locals don’t even offer these lines but when they do its for $100 bucks. Dominating a smaller sport is a blessing as well as a curse so always be careful in how you spend your limited handicapping time mr Arena guy.
Chaser – If the day starts poorly watch out because he’s looking across time zones and countries to figure out how he’ll get out of the hole. Somehow in his mind the later a game starts, the better bet it automatically becomes. Having a losing day is never an option and the concept of digging out of a small deficit rather than a giant chasm after a day gone south is a mantra he’s never come close to adopting.
Drunk – He doesn’t know the teams, could care less about the sport, and will take advice from anyone that offers it as long as he finds action. Every now and again he’s been known to wake up in the morning from a black out binge needing to check his account balance and pocket for tickets just to make sense of the absolute circus that was the day prior. Little to say rarely does this type of gambler wake up with an uncashed 8 team parlay in his clutches because gambling gods don’t normally reward the reckless.
Football Only – He feels it’s socially acceptable to bet football (pro and college), enter 100 pools, and pick a fantasy team but he’ll thumb his nose at anyone who bets other sports. I’m not sure if this is comes from a sense of entitlement or superiority complex yet he deserves a swift kick in the nuts for judging everyone else when he limits himself to tight lines. Little known fact; “football guy” is his own kind of degenerate knowing he has a short window every year to get his entire gambling fix.
Belligerent – I shouldn’t make light of this gambler since he gives all of us a bad name. This is the kind of guy that shouldn’t be betting because when he loses no man, woman, child, or inanimate object is safe from his verbal wrath. When the fun stops with your betting, time to find a new hobby.
Professional – This guy takes gambling seriously since it’s his livelihood. There’s no loyalty to other bettors, sportsbooks, or team; it’s about finding a soft number and exploiting it. Anyone who believes the life of a professional gambler is glamorous should think again until they realize all the blood, sweat, tears, and most importantly hours that go into relying on sports based income.
Weekend Warrior – The game’s on the weekend? Hell yea he’ll bet it (Fridays and Mondays count during the fall) but if the game takes place Tuesday – Thursday you absolutely can’t have action. Afterall those are his days to play dad, boyfriend, or model employee meaning he has to try and project a level of normalcy for the rest of the world.
Twitter Tailer – Being able to tail someone is a skill in itself however this guy takes it to another level. His main job, instead of handicappig himself, is to find the flavor of the week and ride it like a thoroughbred. Identifying a hot streak is his holy grail and the irony of the situation he spends as many hours looking for it as most guys do handicapping their own games.
Middler/Arbster – The approach here is simple; it’s gamble without gambling. Knowing where the market is going before it gets there is what makes this guy smarter than most and a pain in the ass to sportsbooks. His market entry needs to be perfect for both his initial wager and then when he bets back the other side to maximize the potential middle he’s identified. Expect to lose a little on most days utilizing this approach but when you hit that glamorous middle it’s all worthwhile.
Doomsday Scenario – He bets his entire life waiting for the world to come crashing down on his shoulders. Losing doesn’t bother him and at points you’re not quite sure a huge winning score will be of any value to him. Nope, this guy wants a story to tell his buddies and kids some day about how he risked it all and went belly-up betting a 13 team money-line parlay with his last 5,000. Some guys live for the score, others live for the trainwreck and bad beat stories.
Dumping guy – He knows more than 95% of the people that bet games yet he won’t trust his reads. “Mush is on the other side or everyone on twitter wants to bet the same game so it can’t possibly be a winner. Better yet the line moved too far in his favor somehow inferring that disaster is imminent. What Dumping Guy doesn’t realize is that every time he buys out of a good bet it eats away at his confidence as much as it erodes the bankroll.
Self Congratulating – It stopped being about the money a long time ago; he measures his level of success by how hard he can pat himself on the back. Rather than let others stroke his ego (which he does enjoy) it’s really not necessary when you’re in fact your own biggest fan.
Homer – Doesn’t matter the sport nor who is on the team he’s betting his favorite teams every time they take the field. Hockey, MLS, NBA, MLB, NFL; whatever just fire recklessly at whatever number the hometown local provides. Good numbers? Forget about it because he’ll lay 3 pts the worst of it just to say he showed support for the good guys.
From the twitterverse…(submitted by Justin Venneri)
Eraser – This guy is covered in chalk dust. Regardless of the scenario, he takes the fave and any spread less than -7 is generally not interesting to him. Also, he loves to talk about nailing blowouts and somehow never he has an edge on the book because of his \”strategy\” and never loses.
Rain Cloud – No matter what happens, this guy is depressed. Win? Should have bet more. Lose? Must be cursed. This guy can sometimes be a Chaser AND Whiner. Scary guy.
Have your own type of gambler I should include? Email me here
