Gambling Milestones: Never have I ever…
By Brad Niehaus (follow him @SquareCapper)
My list is based on gambling experiences as they developed over the years. All of you out there don’t lie or dare mock me because if you’re here reading this post answering yes to any of the following questions, like myself, you have an issue that borders on obsession.
(2002) Have you ever bet a friend you could outscore him during each drill in an attempt to spice up high school basketball practice? (Coach thought it was ridiculous to pull up for a 3 while in layup lines but those 5 laps would have been well worth it had the ball gone in.)
(2003) Have you ever stayed up all night with your cousin charting out futures on next family member to get pregnant/married/arrested/divorced… with odds? (Interesting note: favorites hit in 3 of the 4 categories.)
(2004) Have you ever been in Orlando with a friend, told his parents you were going to play miniature golf, then drove the family van over an hour to an OTB for some horse action? (Purely hypothetical, we stayed at Epcot the whole time)
(2005) Have you ever been standing by the road waiting for a ride and started betting on color of the next car to come by? (Odds were based on color and determined after a small sampling.)
(2006) Have you ever brought a pocket size television to Christmas Eve mass to watch a football game? (You’re welcome Broncos fans. I think the good lord’s payback to me was the Bengals fumbling the snap on the extra point.)
(2008-Current) Have you ever created, developed, marketed, and grown a sports book for your fantasy football league? Even I drew the line trying to book win totals for the league because certain owners would throw games if the reward was great enough (don’t look at me, I have ethics when it comes to fantasy competition).
(2009) Have you ever lost money while standing in line for the bathroom lavatory on a flight to Vegas? (In my defense, I’m pretty sure the guy was making up rules at his convenience. Some sort of dollar bill poker game, utilizing the serial number…on second thought lets add “if you ever played that game” to this list.)
(2011) Have you ever walked into a grocery store with your girlfriend, seen powder laundry detergent spilled on the ground, looked at her and said “$20 – Tide or Gain? You pick, I’ll take the other side.” (This occurring while you were banned from gambling as per her rules of the relationship.)
(2012) Have you ever asked your recently married friend ”what he thought the odds were that he’d get divorced within the next 20 years?” (He gave me 2,500-1 so I have a legitimate $5 bet with him. 2032 is going to be a humungous payday although I see it as win/win for him.)
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, it’s cut and dry, you in fact have a minor (maybe major but it’s all semantics anyways) gambling issue. Welcome to this elite fraternity: embrace it, enjoy it, and manage it responsibly because you’re definitely not alone.
